Only you can answer that.  If you are a single parent, so many things have to be taken into consideration before making changes in your personal life.  Your divorce or separation from your partner may have been traumatic for you and your children, and you all need time to recover from that.  Getting your lives (emotionally and otherwise) back on an even keel and re-establishing a routine is essential.  You cannot hope to start dating or make a successful new relationship until you and your children have come to terms with what has happened and are ready to move on.  You need to feel emotionally ready, and your children need to feel safe and settled before introducing further changes into their lives.

If you've been in a long-term relationship, you will now find that "dating" is a whole new ball game.  Most of your existing friends may already have partners, and your social circle probably doesn't include eligible singles.  So even when you do feel ready to start dating again, the opportunities just don't seem to arise.  Generally, unless you do something positive to change that, opportunities may never come along.  This requires changing the way you socialise to a great degree, and widening your interests.  If you have children, you can't be out every night of the week, so choose your new activities carefully.

Nightclubs and pubs are great for the occasional night out to let your hair down, but should be viewed as just that.  Don't pin your hopes on finding a suitable partner in this type of venue.  People will often be the worse for wear, and not in the right frame of mind to think about anything further than just having fun.  You will also have no guarantee that the people you meet are single.

Taking up a new sport, joining a gym, getting involved in some form of community project, joining a social events club, or learning a new skill at evening classes are all ways to meet new single people.  Returning to work (if you have been at home full-time) can also widen your circle of friends.  In this type of environment, where you are likely to get to know a little about the people you are mixing with, you will soon discover the single ones.  It also does no harm to make new friends of the same sex who are in a similar situation to you.  You can never have too many friends and, through their connections, you may meet other singles of the opposite sex for either friendship or dating.

Introduction agencies and online dating websites are, of course, a more direct way of finding a new partner.  The stigma has long disappeared.  Before divorce became commonplace, it could have been true to say that single people only tended to use dating agencies as a last resort.  In the last 15 years or so, they have become a recognised method of meeting new single people, and are used by many thousands of people from all walks of life.

However, if you are a single parent, or have children that live elsewhere, it is imperative that the people you meet are happy to accept a partner who already has a family.  Whatever dating service you use, you need to check, before joining, that there are going to be a good number of single people available that are entirely happy with this most important aspect of your life.  Without this, any relationship you try to make will be doomed to failure.  Once you are a parent, you become a "package deal", and it isn't possible to have one half without the other!  Many dating services (introduction agencies or online dating websites) will not have much of an idea on their members' views on this.  If they don't ask this question directly on their registration form (i.e.  "Are you happy to meet a single parent?"), then anything they tell you regarding this will be pure guesswork.

You cannot assume that, just because a person has children of their own, they are necessarily willing to become involved with someone else who has.  Similarly, you shouldn't discount someone who doesn't have children.  This could be a source of great regret to them, or perhaps they are still hoping!  If they are happy to meet someone who is a single parent then, what they lack in experience, they may make up for in enthusiasm.

Some people also assume that it would be best to find a partner who has children of a similar age.  This isn't necessarily true.  Many families have children that cover a wide age span, and co-exist quite happily.  If your partner has children in an entirely different age group, this could work in your favour, as it may stop or reduce rivalry between the children of the two families.  Older children will often warm quicker to much younger children and feel protective towards them.  Similarly, younger children will look up to older children, and not feel that they have to compete with them.

Kids No Object specialises in finding partners for people who are single parents.  Every member is happy to accept a partner that has children.  Please see all other pages on this website for further details.

In most cases, we would not recommend that you take your children when dating for the first time.

Find someone you can trust to look after them.  If you are not lucky enough to have friends or relatives close by, then you will have to look elsewhere.

There are baby-sitting agencies that are able to provide qualified sitters, but these can be expensive, and you should always insist on checking their references first.

Try, instead, making enquiries at your children's nursery or school.  There may be other parents (single or otherwise) in a similar position who would be willing to form a baby-sitting circle.  The Head Teacher may even be willing to help you on this - there's no harm in asking.

Make enquiries with neighbours.  If they are unable to help themselves, they may have older, responsible teenagers (i.e. 16 plus) who would be glad to earn a little extra money.  However, get to know the person first to make sure that they are sensible, responsible, and able to cope with your children.  Ask them round for an evening and let the kids loose on them!  If you are in any doubt, look again!

As a last resort, consider advertising locally for baby-sitters.  You are most likely to get responses from teenagers, but you could also consider advertising for an older lady.  There may be a grandmother quite near you who is living alone and would welcome the opportunity of befriending a young family.  But, however trustworthy the person seems, obtain references, and get to know the person before leaving them in charge of your children.  In the case of teenagers, speak to (or preferably meet) their parents as well & ndash no matter how good their references are (one of which should be from their school).  Again, if you are in any doubt, look elsewhere.  It's not worth the risk!

This site has a whole page full of good advice.  See Dating Tips page.

You are the best judge of this.  Get to know the person first.  If it looks like you will be dating someone on a regular basis for the foreseeable future, then this is the time to consider introducing them to your children.  If your children live with you, it will necessarily have to be sooner rather than later.  If they don't live with you, you can possibly take a little more time over this.  Whatever your situation, it will have to happen at some point, and it is not fair on your prospective partner to exclude him/her for an unreasonable length of time from this very important part of your life.

Obviously, it is not good for children to have a constant stream of new & "aunts and uncles" that drift in and out of their lives.  Children form attachments very easily, and can be bitterly disappointed when someone they have grown to like is no longer around.  If you can, try and explain to your children that just as they change friends from time to time, so do grown-ups, and this is part of life.  You can't possibly be 100% sure that the first person you introduce them to will become a long-term partner, so it is best to prepare them for this right from the start.  Provided their feeling of security isn't jeopardised in any way, they should be able to cope.  Keep to the same routine as far as possible.  Above all, try to make sure that they receive the same amount of attention from you as before (no more, but certainly no less), which is sometimes difficult in the first flush of a new relationship!

It may not happen, but if it does, it can come from many different quarters:

• Friends and family.  They may become anxious when you start dating again, and genuinely concerned that you and your children do not get hurt, particularly if they have supported you through a traumatic separation.  Reassure them that you have given it a lot of thought, are now ready to move on, and will consider each step slowly and carefully.  Gently remind them that you are entitled to a happy life, and you don't want to spend it on your own.  Counter any remarks about waiting for the children to grow up before you start dating again by saying that having a new, loving partner to support you will make you an even better parent.  If you are not happy with life, then this will rub off on your children.  A happy parent is a good parent, single or otherwise.

• Your ex-partner.  Even if your "ex" is now in a new relationship themselves, you may still encounter opposition.  This could arise out of good, old-fashioned jealousy - especially if you were the one to end the relationship - but dressed up as something else.  This is entirely selfish behaviour.  Stand your ground and don't give in to any blackmail threats, such as stopping maintenance, or not letting you see the children (if you are the absent parent).  Chances are they won't try, or won't be able to do it.  Try not to have a heated argument.  Stay cool and calm, and firmly remind them that your private life is now none of their business!  If he/she still has a key to your house, either get it returned, or get the locks changed!
  
  However, there could be a genuine concern that a new partner in your life will replace them in your children's affections.  Re-assure them that you will not allow this to happen.  Tell them that your new partner will not be called "Mum" or "Dad", and that you have no intention of letting anything change regarding them seeing the children.  As time goes on, and provided there is no conflict, it may be beneficial to introduce your new partner to your "ex" if both are in agreement.  This could help to dispel fears on both sides, and will certainly reassure your children that all is well in the adult world.

• Your children.  These are the ones that really count.
  
  Small children can be very sensitive and quickly tune in to the fact that some of your attentions are now elsewhere.  As stated above, try to concentrate on giving them as much attention and affection as before, but don't give in to obvious attention-seeking demands.  If they are particularly badly behaved when your new partner is around, don't let them make you feel guilty, and don't let them get away with it.  They have to learn that they cannot be the centre of attention all the time and, if they were, this would not make them very nice adults.  Be gentle, but be firm, and show them that you mean it.  Start as you mean to go on, and be consistent!  Your new partner will also appreciate it.  No-one warms to badly behaved children.
  
  Older children can be very obstructive.  They may actively discourage you from dating in the first place to the point where they try to interrupt you when you are on the phone, and constantly quiz you about where you are going and whom you are meeting.  If they have been through a traumatic experience with your divorce or separation, it is entirely natural that they fear any further change to their lives.  Unreasonable though it may be, they may even fear that someone else will replace them in your affections, and they will lose you too!  You have to be entirely honest in this situation.  Don't play cloak and dagger with them.  Sit them down and re-assure them that, although you are making new friends, this will never affect your love for them, and that you will always be there for them.  Tell them that Mum or Dad is just as entitled to have friends as they are.  You may need to do this more than once.  When the introduction of a new partner into their lives eventually happens, the ground should at least be prepared.
  
  Adolescents/teenagers/adult offspring can be all of the above, and worse.  They can also be very selfish!  They have always had Mum or Dad to themselves - maybe for quite some time.  They have got used to you always being there, and not having a life of your own!  They could also feel very protective and/or have a sense of loyalty to your "ex".  They may be rude or off-hand to a prospective partner, and deliberately make them feel like an outsider.  Start as you mean to go on, and don't let them rule your life.  Point out that you are polite and welcoming to their friends (some of whom you may not like or approve of), and you expect the same courtesy to yours.  It may also be worth pointing out to older children that they are unlikely to seek your approval in their choice of boy/girlfriends, but they will no doubt expect you to accept them without question, and be nice to them.  This is a good point to make if they are already dating themselves.
  
  At the end of the day, and in a relatively short space of time, your children will grow up, start leading their own lives, and eventually leave.  Don't wait for that to happen!!  You also deserve happiness and a life of your own.  Everyone's entitled to that!

• Between your new partner and your children.
  
  Unless you are widowed, or your children have absolutely no contact with the absent parent (and are never likely to have), it is not a good idea for them to call your new partner Mum or Dad.  They can only have one Mum or Dad in their lives, and to suggest otherwise will be confusing for them.  It may also antagonise the other parent.  First names are always best.
  
  If you have got to the stage in your relationship where you and your new partner have decided to set up home together with your children, there are bound to be some teething problems - especially over discipline.  Everyone has different ideas, and even natural parents disagree over this.  There is often one parent who is more lenient than the other, and this can cause friction.
  
  Come to an agreement on some basic ground rules such as bedtimes, manners, tidiness, times to be home etc. etc., and ensure that both of you stick to them.
  
  Allow your new partner to discipline your children when necessary.  If you become partners, then you have to be equal partners in everything, and that includes discipline.  If you do not allow your partner to have equal control, their position in the family will be undermined.
  
  Don't criticise the way your partner handles the children in front of them. You may not always totally agree with the way your partner handles things, but it is most important to present a united front to the children.  If you don't, they will play one off against the other, causing more problems.  Together you stand, divided you fall!
  
  If you strongly disagree, discuss the issue with your partner in private and attempt to find a compromise.
  
  Encourage your partner to participate in the day-to-day care of your children e.g. reading to them, taking them to their activities, joining in with their games at home, preparing their meals etc. and, most of all, just spending time talking to them.  This will help your partner to feel needed and part of the family, and will also help your children to recognise that.
  
  Dealing with personality clashes.  Not everyone gets on with everyone else in life, and this can apply just as much to adult/children relationships.  Underlying jealousies and/or resentments can often be the problem, and are sometimes difficult to deal with.  Your children could feel jealous that some of your attention is now elsewhere, and your new partner could resent the amount of time you have to spend on your children (which is why sharing responsibilities can give you both more time to spend together).
  
  If your partner and your children really can not see eye to eye on things, then you must bring it all into the open.  Discuss with your partner (in private) what he/she dislikes about your children or their views on why there is conflict.  Don't immediately go on the defensive.  Listen to what they have to say.  Sometimes they may have a point.
  
  Then talk to your children, again in private.  Take on board what they have to say.  If your partner has brought up some valid points, discuss these with them, and ways in which they can be overcome.  Similarly, discuss with your partner any valid complaints your children may have.
  
  If you think that everyone is in the right frame of mind and will be able to discuss things sensibly, talk all the issues over as a family.  You will, no doubt, feel very much like the "piggy in the middle", but do try very hard not to take sides.  The result you want is for everyone to be happy.
  
  If a compromise really cannot be reached, everyone is unhappy, and all other avenues have been entirely explored, you may have to consider whether the live-in relationship with your new partner can remain viable.

• Between you and your partner's children.
  
  If your partner's children live elsewhere, the contact you have with them will obviously be limited to visits and maybe occasional stopovers.  Under these circumstances, it will take longer to get to know them, and you will have to make some allowances for differences in upbringing.
  
  If your partner's children will be living with you, then try and start as you mean to go on.  Agree the ground rules with your partner, and apply them equally to both sets of children.  Allow for a lengthy period of adjustment, as this may involve some changes on both sides, but be consistent.  In the long run, children respond well to routine and a clear set of guidelines.
  
  Make yourself approachable.  Don't overwhelm them, but make it clear that you would like to be their friend.  Follow their lead - once they are relaxed in your company, they should warm to you.  Don't give up on them - no matter how much hard work they are.  Be available to talk and/or entertain them when they feel ready.
  
  Try not to show favouritism towards your own children.  This can be difficult, as you may do this unconsciously.  Concentrate on treating them all equally.
  
  Never discuss the absent parent with them or in front of them.  Even the most innocent comment could be misunderstood and cause problems.
  
  Be clear about your house rules.  You cannot have one set of rules for your children and another for your partner's.  When they are under your roof, they should all abide by the same set of rules - even if they are somewhat different to those they've been used to.
  
   
• Between the children
  
  They may all take to each other on first meeting  but, initially, there may be resentment, rivalry, jealousy, and a lot of "tale-telling" - especially amongst children of a similar age.  But even in families where the children have been brought up together, they don't always get on perfectly so don't expect peace the whole time.
  
  An only child, particularly, may feel resentment towards the other children, as they now have to compete with them for time and attention.
  
  Encourage the children to respect each other's space and property (of which they are bound to be possessive), and don't allow arguments and fights to rage on and on unchecked.  Whilst it is important, to a certain extent, to let them find their own level, if one child always appears to be the aggressor, and another the under-dog, it will be damaging in the long run, and you can't allow that situation to continue.
  
  Fortunately, children are usually very adaptable.  After a period of adjustment, they generally settle down

• Point out the benefits of the new family overall.
  
  Whilst it is not good to bribe your children with material things, you could point out that they may benefit from a more comfortable lifestyle due to extra income in the household e.g. extra clothes, toys, luxury items, outings, holidays, or being able to participate in more activities.  A larger house and a better bedroom may also be on the agenda.
  
  They will also benefit from having another adult around of the opposite sex to their parent e.g. boys will appreciate having someone male to play football with, and girls may appreciate a female for discussing "girlie" things, and trips to the shops.  Having two adults in the household, and chores being halved, may also mean more time is available to do these things.
  
  Long term, the children may also find that step-brothers or sisters become real friends, and these friendships continue into adult life.