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Dating Tips
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| KNO Dating Success Stories |
"I was previously living in Poole, but got chatting through KNO Dating with someone from Basingstoke. We started going out together 2 years ago and now are living in Eastleigh with my daughter and his 2 daughters (who visit every other weekend). He was the 3rd person that I had made contact with through KNO, and I'd like to say thank you as I would never have met him otherwise! I
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Dating Tips
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| PREPARING FOR YOUR DATE |
- When dating for the first time, if practical, arrange to meet for a set period of time (an hour or so) e.g. a drink in the early evening after work, or a lunchtime coffee. You then have an excuse to leave if things aren't going as well as expected.
- Make sure that you write down the home telephone number and/or mobile number of the person you intend meeting, and phone them to confirm the arrangements again shortly beforehand. Also make sure that the other person has your contact numbers. Take the phone numbers with you, as well as your own mobile phone, and leave it switched on throughout the date.
- When dating, always arrange to meet in busy, public place, such as a pub, restaurant or café - never your own home! A place where you can talk privately and in comfort, but where there are plenty of other people around. Make sure that you know exactly where the venue is before you leave, and allow yourself plenty of time to get there. Don't allow the person you are dating to pick you up (however well-intentioned their offer may be), don't agree to a change of venue at the last minute (unless there is a very good reason), and don't be persuaded to go on somewhere else once you've met up.
- Arrange to meet at an exact spot - e.g. just outside/inside the main entrance - rather than just "somewhere" inside a huge, busy pub. That way, you won't miss each other. If you haven't seen a photo of the person you're dating, and want to be extra-sure you that don't miss each other, arrange for each of you to be wearing or carrying something reasonably distinctive (and we don't mean a red rose or a balloon with your name on it)!
- Dress to suit the occasion! Don't go overboard, but don't turn up in scruffy jeans and T-shirt either. Smart but casual dress is usually the best option. Wear something that feels comfortable and really suits you. Knowing that you look your best will boost your confidence.
- If possible, tell a friend where you're going, and roughly what time you expect to be home. If you want to be extra-cautious, give your friend the phone number(s) of the person you're meeting, and arrange for your friend to phone you on your mobile during the date.
- Although you might think it is a good idea - don't take a friend on a first date. The presence of a third party will inhibit your conversation, and your date may find it a little intimidating. He/she wants to get to know you - not your friends (save that for later). But for the extra-cautious, you could ask a friend if he/she could drop you off, wait with you until your date arrives, and then come back to collect you at a pre-arranged time.
- If you have children, you should certainly not take them on a first date. Apart from the fact that it's not a good idea to involve them until you get to know someone reasonably well, they will be a distraction, and stop you from getting to know the person you've arranged to date. Leave them with someone you trust, along with details of where you're going, and all relevant phone numbers.
- Be prompt - in fact, try and be a few minutes early. There's nothing worse on a first date, when both parties are apprehensive anyway, than keeping someone waiting.
- Don't hang around for hours waiting for your date. If they are more than 15-20 minutes late - phone them on their mobile. If this has been switched off, go home! If you only have a landline number, and there is no reply, they may still be on their way. Give them the benefit of the doubt for another 10 minutes - then go home! Obviously leave messages, wherever you can, explaining what you have done, and ask them to call. If you don't receive a reply, and a very good reason why your date failed to show up - put it down to experience. If you were put in touch with this person through a dating site - be sure to file a complaint.
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| DURING YOUR DATE |
- Be yourself. Don't try to be anything that you're not.
- Be totally honest. No-one appreciates people who tell tall stories just to impress.
- Remember to listen as well as talk, and show your date that you are interested in what they've got to say.
- Keep an open mind and get to know your date before making any judgements.
- If your date is a little on the quiet side, this could be due to nerves. Try and put them at their ease by finding a subject they feel comfortable talking about. This could be their children, their job, or an activity that you both have in common. Ask a few leading questions, and be genuinely interested in their answers.
- Don't talk endlessly about all your problems and past relationships. A first date is not the time or place. You have met your date because you are looking to the future. Don't give them the impression that you are still living in the past.
- Don't be over-familiar, and don't even hint at anything sexual, no matter how attractive you may find your date. In most cases, this will be a complete turn-off, although it will do no harm to drop a polite compliment or two.
- Resist the temptation to get too carried away on any particular subject. Whilst your date may find the finer details of your special interest fascinating to start with, 10 minutes later they may be bored.
- Don't treat your date as if he/she has come for a job interview. By all means ask questions, but don't "grill" them.
- Keep the conversation light, amusing and uncontroversial. The aim of a first date is to get an overall impression about the person you are dating - not to have a heavy debate, or a heated discussion.
- Above all, be polite and treat your date how you would like to be treated yourself. If you have decided very early on that this person is not for you, don't make an excuse to rush away immediately. If you had previously arranged your date for a set period of time - then stick it out. If the arrangement was open-ended, give them the courtesy of a little of your time, and tactfully bring the date to a close as soon as you can.
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| AT THE END OF YOUR DATE |
- No chemistry? If you have made the decision that you definitely don't want to take this any further, then don't make promises that you won't keep. If the other person appears keen to date again, tell them that you are very busy for the foreseeable future, but will keep their phone number. Don't commit yourself to contacting/meeting them on or by a definite date if you have no intention of doing so. If they contact you afterwards, you will already have told them that you are busy, so stick to the same story. Most people get the hint!
- Had a nice time, but not quite sure? You enjoyed your date's company, but there was no "spark". Sometimes, it takes a while for this to develop. If your date had an attractive personality but their appearance didn't particularly appeal - don't be afraid to give it another go. At the end of the day, personality is far more important than looks and, often, physical attraction can develop later. If it doesn't, you may make a good friend.
- Definitely want to take it further? If your date is showing no signs of wanting to make further arrangements, it may not be because they don't want to. Most people need a few encouraging signs. Before saying goodbye, tell them how much you enjoyed the date. This may prompt them into saying that they will be in touch soon, or asking you to call them. If you are still unsure afterwards that the feeling is mutual, there is no harm in leaving it a few days and calling them anyway. It's only a phone call.
- Go home on your own, and don't accept a lift. Never invite someone to your home after dating for the first time (or give them your address) no matter how well you got on or how much you liked them. If your prospective partner is genuinely interested in you, they will be prepared to wait until you feel comfortable enough to do this.
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| DEVELOPING A RELATIONSHIP |
- Take things slowly. There's no rush. Don't commit yourself to any lifestyle changes too soon, no matter how much in love you think you are.
- Get to know the person you're dating properly by spending as much time together as you can - without other distractions present if possible.
- Introduce friends and family into the equation on a gradual basis. Don't overwhelm your prospective partner in the very early days of a relationship.
- If you have children, do not involve them until you are fairly certain that the relationship will be ongoing. Whilst it is important that your prospective partner gets to know your children, it is not good for them to have a constant stream of new "aunts" or "uncles" that drift in and out of their lives.
- If you feel at all uncomfortable with any area of the developing relationship, talk it out sooner rather than later. Don't let things drift on with unresolved issues.
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| BE WARY OF PEOPLE WHO ........ |
- Try to pressurise you into a physical relationship before you feel ready.
- Ask to borrow money or valuable possessions.
- Push to move in with you much too soon.
- Continually ask you to do things for them, but never seem willing to return the favour.
- Never invite you back to their home, even though you have been seeing them for quite some time.
- Never invite you to meet their friends and family, even though they have met all yours.
- Are never free to see you at weekends, or have other areas in their life which are a bit of a mystery.
- Display any signs of physical aggression - end the relationship immediately.
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